What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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