Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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