East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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