there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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