I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
