this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
