watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
