this just has baby written all over it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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