I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
