My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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