i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
