i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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