Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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