i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
