doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think I died a long time ago.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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