dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
