When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
