I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
