hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
