He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
