I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
