I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just want to make out with him forever
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
