You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
