I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
