Apparently you make a good broom.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
