Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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