I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
