He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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