she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
