just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
