gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
