yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
