R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
