I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
