Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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