drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
