I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
