But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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