Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
