i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
