R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just had sex bonerless
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
