I heard we made out
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
