I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
