I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
