remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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