I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
