The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
