Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
