Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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