were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
