i jhust puked up my retainher.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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