Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
